BN draws first blood

At today's swearing-in of MPs at the Dewan Rakyat, a first showdown took place between Pak Lah's government and an emboldened opposition. The election of the House Speaker was a straightforward affair because only one name - Sabahan, Tan Sri Pandikar Amin Mulia - was proposed. But for the two posts of Deputy Speakers, three names were put forward. Pak Lah nominated Wan Junaidi Tuanku Jaafar (BN - Santubong) and Ronald Kiandee (BN - Beluran) whereas Lim Kit Siang proposed Tan Seng Giaw (DAP - Kepong).

Standing orders of the House required a written ballot. While ballot papers were being distributed, PKR anarchist, Tian Chua (PKR - Batu) stood up and asked the Speaker if ballot papers with only one name would be valid. This was no doubt a signal to Pakatan Rakyat MPs to only vote for Tan. The Speaker allowed Tian Chua's request.

The significance of the election of Deputy Speaker was to see if there were any dissension from within BN. With all of Anwar's talk of imminent defections, the astute observer was waiting to see if the votes for the BN-proposed candidates would fall short of 140 indicating BN MPs defying the party line and adding fuel to Anwar Homo's psy-war.

The result: Wan Junaidi 157 votes, Ronald Kiandee 140 votes, TanSeng Giaw 81 votes.

Analysis: Wan Junaidi got 17 MORE votes than there are BN MPs.Ronald got a vote from every BN MP. Tan got 81... hang on a minute.Pakatan Rakyat have 82 members. So, how come he's one short?

In other words, for now, BN discipline is intact. But moresignificantly, 17 Pakatan Rakyat MPs didn't heed Tian Chua's signal ofonly casting one vote (i.e. for Tan) and even crossed battle lines tovote for the BN candidate. Worse still one Pakatan Rakyat MP didn'teven support Tan.

So the question is, which way are the frogs jumping? Think aboutthat one homo...

Fat Cat: The one who jumped today, is the one that always jumps...

Pemuda race heats up

Now with keris-man Hishammuddin officially out of the running and gunning for the VP post in UMNO that will make him a frontrunner to be the Mongolian one's DPM, the post of UMNO chief monkey is wide open. It is, of course, a much coveted post. Whoever is Ketua Pemuda UMNO (UMNO Youth Chief) has keys to the kingdom. He is the poster boy of the party, conscience of the Melayu and by convention a cabinet minister. Hishamuddin has been at it for too long now. Taking over in 1999, when Zahid Hamidi was forced to resign by the Sith Lord, Mahathir, Hisham now finds himself uncomfortable with the younger UMNO boys. in fact, he has been disinterested in youth politics for the last few years.

That's one of the reason he brought in the ultra-chimp, KJ, as his hatchet man. KJ was sent all over the country to press skin and high five the grass roots because Hishammuddin just couldn't give a damn anymore and was more interested in his big time Education portfolio. But after a while, monkey-boy KJ got a bit ahead of himself. HE became Pemuda UMNO and Hishammuddin looked like the footnote. That's when things began to sour and it came to a head when Hishammuddin instructed his lackeys to openly attack KJ in a Pemuda UMNO meeting.

Since then, the keris wielding one has been making overtures towards Mukhriz, the bald imbecile. Hishammuddin knows that to win the VP elections, he needs to kowtim the Mahathir sympathizers in UMNO and one sure fire way of doing this is by being bum chums with Mukhriz. Proof 1: Mukhriz gets off scot-free after writing a letter asking PM to step down. Any other normal party member would have been sacked. Proof 2: the bald one comes out in defence of Hishammuddin's kerisapology when grassroots UMNO members are pissed at hell that Hishammuddin apologized the way he did basically losing face unceremoniously.
For the time being, the race to fill Hishammuddin's seat is a two horse race. Mukhriz is riding on a wave of popular sentiment by offering himself as the latest great brown hope. He is joined by the Botox-enhanced, vertically challenged Javanese who single-handedly lost Selangor for BN. Dr Khir Toyo needs to stay relevant during the next few barren years. Prior to the election, he rated himself as a VP contender and potential PM (all together now - laugh out loud!). Now after losing the crown jewel state, he may not even win a Supreme Council seat. So he has quickly reinvented himself, starting a blog (ghost written by Masri, his grotesquely obese press aide), shared a stage with Mahathir for street cred and upped his attacks on Pak Lah to capitalize on the ground feeling. This way, he has a chance to go for Ketua Pemuda and stay relevant for the next few years before the next election.

There are others waiting in the wings but none are being considered seriously at the moment. There is that sometimes pro-Pak Lah lunatic Zahidi Zainul Abidin from Perlis, orator Azimi Daim from Kedah and even the ambitious ex-political secretary of Nor Mohamed Yakcop, Norza Zakaria that are said to be thinking of throwing their hat in the ring. This is not including dark horse candidates that may appear at the last minute including some cabinet ministers who may decide to go for it after gaining momentum from dispensing patronage from their ministries.

But until another contender appears, Khir and Mukhriz have a captive audience for their initial campaign moves. Mukhriz has been busy moving in Kedah and Kelantan, meeting with Pemuda members and selling his anti-Pak Lah platform. Botak Mahathir has been making limited impact - limited because he simply can't inspire the grassroots with his atrocious public speaking skills. He makes up for this with the company he keeps and cold, hard cash. He has been accompanied by a few Exco members including staunch Hishammuddin loyalists, lending credibility to the view that the Cheif's personal choice is the bald one. One such Hishammuddin lackey who is now an ally of Mukhriz is the good-for-nothing former Imam of the National Mosque, Pirdaus Ismail. Frustrated at having lost twice in Permatang Pauh to the gaylord's long-suffering wife, Pirdaus is blaming Pak Lah for his inability to get elected as an MP (for the record, he lost narrowly in 2004 during the BN landslide and proceeded to kick the ballot boxes during the recount demonstrating great sabar qualities of an Imam). Mukhriz has also wasted little time showing his generosity to the boys on the ground. Big bro Mokhzani who's swimming in dosh following the listing of oil and gas flagship Kenchana which bagged huge Petronas projects (nice one, Tun Maha!) and Daddy's fave crony SM have built a sizable war chest for the bald one amounting to nearly RM50 million for the time being. Rumour is rife that Mukhriz already has 70% of the Ketua and Naib Ketua Pemuda Bahagian on his payroll, dispensing anywhere between 3 - 10K a month per person depending on their strategic importance.

As for the face-lifted Javanese, he moves from a position of disadvantage. He has been out of the Pemuda mainstream so has very little personal rapport with the youth division leaders and has to compensate for this with good, old-fashioned UMNO pork barreling. He relies on a few key Selangor Youth boys, led by Faisal Abdullah from Kapar of the Port Klang Free Trade Zone fame. Faisal is in turn linked through a business partnership to the new chairman of BN's backbench, Bintulu MP and all-round taiko, Tiong King Sing. Tiong comes from a small Sarawak party, SPDP, but has managed to buy influence not just in UMNO but also MCA and Gerakan. Combine Tiong's cash and monies accumulated by Khir cronies like the Lebar Daun boys during his kaya raya tenure as Selangor MB, expect our Botoxed lad not to lag far behind the bald one in terms of campaign war chest. In fact, the Pemuda boys haven't seen it this good since 1996 when the contest for chief monkey saw a windfall of fibre for delegates. Today, if Khir wants to see you, you go. After the meeting, one of the Javanese's bag carriers will slap an envelope in your palm. Going rate: 5K per pack. Wassupp...

The Pemuda ground is thus fast being split into two, one side for Mukhriz and the other for Khir. But, and this is a big but... there is one important caveat. There is one man who still commands a sizable influence in Pemuda UMNO. Once the heir apparent and next-big- thing, he has seen his star wane since the election. Now, he is a leper in the party and people get credibility openly criticizing him. Brash, provocative and at times remarkably silly for an Oxford graduate, he nevertheless built a following in Pemuda UMNO as Hishammuddin's deputy. Although many have written him off as finished, the monkey-like KJ is still studying his options. Of the three, he is the youngest at 32, in fact more than a decade younger than both Botak and Botox. He has time on is side and is the most talented of the lot (which actually ain't saying much at all given the quality of leaders in UMNO). Word is, his hardcore support is in tact and ready to battle. Monkey-boy has been uncharacteristically coy even in private according to those who have met him. But he has sent strategic feelers to the ground using trusted hulu balangs like chief gorilla Azeez Mamak a/l Raheem to gauge support for his candidacy. Although popular ground sentiment is against Pak Lah and his monkey- boy SIL, Botak Mahathir and Botox Toyo are most afraid of KJ announcing his candidacy. That would split the ground three ways and most likely escalate the price of war with everybody trying to outbid one another, UMNO-style. It will also upend any secret pact between Mukhriz and Khir which would have seen the Javanese pull out at the last moment in favour of the son of the man who made him MB in the first place.

But until monkey-boy declares his candidacy, the field is wide open for Mukhriz and Khir. If KJ delays any further, he will find that many more Youth leaders would have committed their support to either of the other two making it difficult for him to secure their nomination and vote. Whatever happens, the contest for Ketua Pemuda is set to be intense, dirty and nail-bitingly close.


Fat Cat: Botak, Facelift and Monkey? Hmm... takkan takde yang lain!

Malaysiakini and Hisham "ludah kat langit"

As Parliament opens to a changed political landscape, "sorry" seems to be the easiest things to say these days. First, the keris-wielding Hishammuddin made a rather belated apology about brandishing the dagger at successive UMNO Youth assemblies, then the pro-opposition online news portal, Malaysiakini, says sorry to monkey-boy KJ for lying about his election result and misquoting him.

Let's check out the apologies.

In Hishammuddin's case, he tried to be a big man by cutting his losses and admitting that the whole keris episode scared the hell out of non- Malays especially since it was accompanied by racial rhetoric at the last few UMNO assemblies (OK, fine racial rhetoric always existed but the Mongolian one had the bright idea of telecasting the proceeding LIVE for the first time). Remember, Hishammuddin is not doing this for nothing. His sights are set on becoming DPM to his Mongolian cousin when the latter takes over from Pak Lah, which by all reckoning is anywhere between next month and next year. Hishammuddin is done with the circus that is Pemuda UMNO and now wants to transition from the ultraman image he cultivated to a more liberal leader that is acceptable to all races. Hence, the apology about the keris. But if you actually look at how he apologized, you will see that he carefully hedged what he said. He actually said sorry to non-Malays for scaring and offending them, and then apologized to Malays for not being able to defend a cultural symbol. He did this because he was aware an apology just to the non-Malays would have resulted him being lynched by UMNO.

Sure enough, after the apology Hishammuddin's Mongolian cousin came out with a statement in support saying that it doesn't take away from the dignity of the Malays. Hishammuddin's handpicked choice for the next UMNO Youth Chief, Mukhriz Botak also joined the chorus line by saying that Hishammuddin was magnanimous to apologize. This is all designed to cover Hishammuddin's ass with the UMNO faithful who still can't understand why he apologized in the way he did. For the non- Malays, the apology is a little too late. They were screaming at him to say sorry and not repeat the deed but Hishamuddin brandished it again and again (three times, to be exact). So, although Fat Cat thinks Hishamuddin is right in offering the apology, there are many political factors behind the move which casts doubt on his sincerity. Fat Cat also wonders why it took a political tsunami for Hishammuddin to realize that the keris was a major issue with the non-Malay community.
The second apology is one offered by Malaysiakini to KJ. Fat Cat is no fan of monkey-boy but in this case KJ wins. Fat Cat knows the journalists of Malaysiakini well. Unfortunately, some of them are pretty bad reporters. They aren't very clever and make careless mistakes when reporting like getting simple facts wrong. Add to this a very slanted editorial stance which is pro-opposition and a mistake like the one against KJ was bound to happen. Malaysiakini's editor, Steve Gan, was a chum of PKR wildman and new MP for Batu, Tian Chua, Down Under. They used to knock back the beers and hang together. Gan is also very open about his admiration for Anwar Ibrahim, as are most of Malaysiakini's staff. So when they persisted in saying there was a recount in Rembau based on information provided by KJ's opponent without checking with the Election Commission, they were asking for trouble. Basic rule for a journo: counter check any information with other sources especially when the primary source is an interested party.

The worst part was not just getting the recount story wrong (and repeating it) but putting words in KJ's mouth. Fat Cat checked out KJ's interview transcript at Susan Loone's blog and wonders in amazement how Malaysiakini can just attribute what they like to people when it is clearly false. This is nothing short of fabrication and deceit. It is no wonder that monkey-boy said he suspected malice and bad faith. Malaysiakini basically made up a quote which they attributed to KJ. In fact, Malaysiakini is bloody lucky that KJ decided on just writing a letter instead of suing because this is a clear cut case of defamation. Fat Cat thinks Malaysians must be careful when reading Malaysiakini. This KJ apology episode demonstrates very clearly that they either have an agenda or are just downright stupid for not even checking facts.

BTW, why hasn't Lazy Rocky written about Malaysiakini eating dirt? Come on Rocks... what's right is right. After all, you're the one who kept on insinuating that KJ's win was tainted. Now diam aje... Wassupp, bro? Hangover ke?
Fat Cat: Sorry... is all that you can't say. Days gone by and still... words don't come easily... Like sorry, like sorry...

REPEAT OF SABAH 1994

Remember when BN lost to PBS by two seats in Sabah back in 1994 and how BN ended up forming the state government on the back of mass defections? Remember who the mastermind was behind that black ops to literally buy the Sabah ADUNs? Yes, none other than our gay, de facto leader of the opposition, DSAI. When BN couldn't close the deal in Sabah, Mahathir was so pissed off that he told his then loyal deputy to do "all it takes". Gaylord took a break from sticking it in Azmin(if you don't think he's gay then try to meet him in real life and stare at his face; the bugger is flaming...), dug into some cronies' pockets and basically went shopping in Sabah. That was the end of PBS hegemony in Sabah and the state hasn't really recovered from DSAI spoiling the market with the big bucks in return for political support.

As Fat Cat writes this, Homo boy is back in East Malaysia doing what he does best - buying people. Ya he says he is not buying... BS. FYI, Anwar has a network of money changers laundering his cash for him back onshore and also uses the convenient ATM facilities of Al-Rajhi Bank to draw out the fibre for his buy-out operations (why do you think he's always in Dubai meeting "investors"?). Much of this is facilitated by homo chum Dr Rahim Ghouse who is a top bank exec Down Under. Make no mistake, DSAI is loaded. The Yanks and Turks have been giving him dosh as well as some Hong Kong magnate (details to come).

Gaylord is targeting a few low hanging fruits. He knows the Bidayuhs of Sarawak are pissed because they have no federal cabinet representation. So, he's been checking out the three Bidayuh MPs - Tiki Lafe, Richard Riot and James Dawos. Going price? A cool RM10million. Wassuppp???

In Sabah, word is he's teaming up with Anifah Aman who's pissed because Pak Lah didn't make him a minister. Gaylord's also got a couple of other MPs from UMNO Sabah itching to join like former mate Sapawi Ahmad from Sipitang. Yong Teck Lee is also upset that his SAPP is not in the federal cabinet and may do a runner. DSAI is onto all of this and is hot on the heals of the discontented.

So with all the money he has at his disposal, his threat of being PM by Sept 2008 may not be an empty one. After all, Sabah has shown previously that if the price is right who wants to talk about perjuangan?

Fat Cat: If you want Malaysia's first homo PM, JUMP! Everybody jump, jump, jump. Jump up, jump up and get down!

SM the power broker

Forget the 4th floor, forget Kamaluddin Scomi and forget Ultra KJ.  There's a new power broker in town.  Bearing the initials SM, this lanky Kedahan was the last crony Mahathir gave birth to before he decided to call it a day.  SM impressed Mahathir with a decent arts museum (Islamic) and promptly extracted enormous patronage from the old man including a port, power stations, palm oil plantations, properties and a "smart" storm drain cum car tunnel.

Anyway, SM first made it big in Johor with a land scam involving the then MB who is now an aspiring PM.  Since Mahathir's retirement, SM has successfully main semua kolam.  He has bought Mahathir a private jet, even met with Anwar in Dubai while at the same time still contributing hundreds of millions (four hundred for the election) of RM to UMNO under Pak Lah.  But now, he wants to shape the future.  He sees opportunity and the stars aligning.

He has hatched a plan with Mahathir to back his old ex-MB friend for the presidency of UMNO. That's why this Muhyiddin Yassin fellow who previously was one of the most insignificant "top politician" has suddenly become the next big thing.

Word is, SM has been the go between bringing messages from Mahathir to Muhyiddin.  Mahathir is tired of waiting for the Mongolian one to make a move against Pak Lah, so is throwing his support and SM's money behind Muhyiddin.

Muhyiddin pula dah geli habis.  He never thought in his wildest dreams that he could fulfill his ambition of becoming PM. But now with Pak Lah so weak in UMNO and the Mongolian one dealing with the murder trial of his best bud Baginda, Muhyiddin must be singing "Its now or never".

SM of course loves this.  He wants to be the crony of choice forever (hence the many hedges) so getting his mentor, Mahathir, to back his old partner, Muhyddin, is a match made in heaven.  Among the deals that Muhyiddin has promised him - the petroleum bunkering project off Tanjong Pelapas which he currently is only a minority shareholder, the new hydro dam in Pahang and the southern stretch of the double tracking project.  Not a bad haul you cunning "Arab"!

Fat Cat: SM = Slippery Monster

Ass grabbing ex-Minister saves own ass

Barely 24 hours after filing a police report against our cigar-loving, bearded ex-Minister, the cigar lounge attendant has retracted her police report.  According to sources close to the investigation, the lady has said that it was a misunderstanding and that the bearded one, "normally likes to touch her, anyway." WTF...

Anyway, Fat Cat allies have confirmed that the bearded one sent his top troubleshooter, Tengku Tune Money, to pass the lady some "fibre" with  a promise that she won't have to worry about not meeting her monthly mortgage payments for the next few years.  Wassssuuppp...

The lady has privately admitted that the alleged molestation took place.  The bearded one is very touchy feely with the ladies.  But that one time he decided to push the envelope by rubbing his paw on the lady booty.  Apparently, he was upset because PM had just sacked him from Cabinet so wanted to drown his sorrows with a bit of an old-fashioned grab.

Anyway, Fat Cat checked our Lazy Rocky's blog and he seems to skirt (pun... hahaha) around the story.  Show me the money, Rocks!

Ex-Minister grabs ass

Hangat... hangat di market.  Agendadaily.com broke the story yesterday about a cigar lounge attendant at a posh KL hotel filing a police report against an ex-Minister that fondled her buntut raba-raba style...  

All we know is that the politician is an ex-Minister, still an MP and has a penchant for Cuba's finest smokes.   I wonder who it is?  Lazy Rocky, kenapa tak nak cover?  Is it because you are on his payroll?

Mahathir's idiotic Hardtalk interview

The only thing missing from Mahathir's Hardtalk interview was an afro and darker skin.  Otherwise, he was the quintessential African dictator.  To think that he still believes he can appear on BBC World, spew anti-Western and anti-Semitic insults and come home the champion of downtrodden Malaysians is complete lunacy.

Surely Mahathir must know that the world has moved on.  His West and Jew bashing may still get some old-school UMNO types to get an erection, but for many others he is simply laughable.  He lambasts the Jews and yet he paid a Jewish Washington lobbyist, Jack Abramoff, to arrange for a meeting with President Bush just before he retired.  Imagine that.  He was so pariah before he retired that he had to pay to get into the White House.  So much for being a champion of the Third World.  Kalau nak betul-betul jadi champion be like Fidel Castro, tak payah nak maki US then pay to go see the President.  Nampak sangat hipokrit gila.  Oh well, that's Mahathir for you.

Generally, Mahathir performed badly in the interview.  His attacks on Pak Lah were regurgitations of the same old stuff.  His attacks on Anwar were also recycled arguments laced with his selective memory.  He couldn't really defend his legacy well and that's when he decided to revert to African dictator mode by blaming all the world's ill on the West, Jews and, of course, gays.

Well, well.  Mahathir, cukup lah.  You are old and past your sell by date.  Those who still come and hear you speak either do so out of curiosity or are those who don't remember (Melayu mudah lupa, remember?) all your sins as PM.  Tapi you syok sendiri.  Your family tell you ramai yang masih sayang you.  Betul lah ada yang sayang. Malaysians are polite and respectful to their elders.  But make no mistake, you are the worst PM ever.  You may have built buildings but you destroyed lives.

That's why when Stephen Sackur drilled you during Hardtalk, you were squirming beneath that forced smile.  You were squirming because you know that is how you will be remembered.

Big Dog and Rocky will keep on polishing your balls as Mukhriz Botak keeps paying them.  But even they can't spin your complete and utterly disastrous performance in front of the entire world.