Pemuda race heats up

Now with keris-man Hishammuddin officially out of the running and gunning for the VP post in UMNO that will make him a frontrunner to be the Mongolian one's DPM, the post of UMNO chief monkey is wide open. It is, of course, a much coveted post. Whoever is Ketua Pemuda UMNO (UMNO Youth Chief) has keys to the kingdom. He is the poster boy of the party, conscience of the Melayu and by convention a cabinet minister. Hishamuddin has been at it for too long now. Taking over in 1999, when Zahid Hamidi was forced to resign by the Sith Lord, Mahathir, Hisham now finds himself uncomfortable with the younger UMNO boys. in fact, he has been disinterested in youth politics for the last few years.

That's one of the reason he brought in the ultra-chimp, KJ, as his hatchet man. KJ was sent all over the country to press skin and high five the grass roots because Hishammuddin just couldn't give a damn anymore and was more interested in his big time Education portfolio. But after a while, monkey-boy KJ got a bit ahead of himself. HE became Pemuda UMNO and Hishammuddin looked like the footnote. That's when things began to sour and it came to a head when Hishammuddin instructed his lackeys to openly attack KJ in a Pemuda UMNO meeting.

Since then, the keris wielding one has been making overtures towards Mukhriz, the bald imbecile. Hishammuddin knows that to win the VP elections, he needs to kowtim the Mahathir sympathizers in UMNO and one sure fire way of doing this is by being bum chums with Mukhriz. Proof 1: Mukhriz gets off scot-free after writing a letter asking PM to step down. Any other normal party member would have been sacked. Proof 2: the bald one comes out in defence of Hishammuddin's kerisapology when grassroots UMNO members are pissed at hell that Hishammuddin apologized the way he did basically losing face unceremoniously.
For the time being, the race to fill Hishammuddin's seat is a two horse race. Mukhriz is riding on a wave of popular sentiment by offering himself as the latest great brown hope. He is joined by the Botox-enhanced, vertically challenged Javanese who single-handedly lost Selangor for BN. Dr Khir Toyo needs to stay relevant during the next few barren years. Prior to the election, he rated himself as a VP contender and potential PM (all together now - laugh out loud!). Now after losing the crown jewel state, he may not even win a Supreme Council seat. So he has quickly reinvented himself, starting a blog (ghost written by Masri, his grotesquely obese press aide), shared a stage with Mahathir for street cred and upped his attacks on Pak Lah to capitalize on the ground feeling. This way, he has a chance to go for Ketua Pemuda and stay relevant for the next few years before the next election.

There are others waiting in the wings but none are being considered seriously at the moment. There is that sometimes pro-Pak Lah lunatic Zahidi Zainul Abidin from Perlis, orator Azimi Daim from Kedah and even the ambitious ex-political secretary of Nor Mohamed Yakcop, Norza Zakaria that are said to be thinking of throwing their hat in the ring. This is not including dark horse candidates that may appear at the last minute including some cabinet ministers who may decide to go for it after gaining momentum from dispensing patronage from their ministries.

But until another contender appears, Khir and Mukhriz have a captive audience for their initial campaign moves. Mukhriz has been busy moving in Kedah and Kelantan, meeting with Pemuda members and selling his anti-Pak Lah platform. Botak Mahathir has been making limited impact - limited because he simply can't inspire the grassroots with his atrocious public speaking skills. He makes up for this with the company he keeps and cold, hard cash. He has been accompanied by a few Exco members including staunch Hishammuddin loyalists, lending credibility to the view that the Cheif's personal choice is the bald one. One such Hishammuddin lackey who is now an ally of Mukhriz is the good-for-nothing former Imam of the National Mosque, Pirdaus Ismail. Frustrated at having lost twice in Permatang Pauh to the gaylord's long-suffering wife, Pirdaus is blaming Pak Lah for his inability to get elected as an MP (for the record, he lost narrowly in 2004 during the BN landslide and proceeded to kick the ballot boxes during the recount demonstrating great sabar qualities of an Imam). Mukhriz has also wasted little time showing his generosity to the boys on the ground. Big bro Mokhzani who's swimming in dosh following the listing of oil and gas flagship Kenchana which bagged huge Petronas projects (nice one, Tun Maha!) and Daddy's fave crony SM have built a sizable war chest for the bald one amounting to nearly RM50 million for the time being. Rumour is rife that Mukhriz already has 70% of the Ketua and Naib Ketua Pemuda Bahagian on his payroll, dispensing anywhere between 3 - 10K a month per person depending on their strategic importance.

As for the face-lifted Javanese, he moves from a position of disadvantage. He has been out of the Pemuda mainstream so has very little personal rapport with the youth division leaders and has to compensate for this with good, old-fashioned UMNO pork barreling. He relies on a few key Selangor Youth boys, led by Faisal Abdullah from Kapar of the Port Klang Free Trade Zone fame. Faisal is in turn linked through a business partnership to the new chairman of BN's backbench, Bintulu MP and all-round taiko, Tiong King Sing. Tiong comes from a small Sarawak party, SPDP, but has managed to buy influence not just in UMNO but also MCA and Gerakan. Combine Tiong's cash and monies accumulated by Khir cronies like the Lebar Daun boys during his kaya raya tenure as Selangor MB, expect our Botoxed lad not to lag far behind the bald one in terms of campaign war chest. In fact, the Pemuda boys haven't seen it this good since 1996 when the contest for chief monkey saw a windfall of fibre for delegates. Today, if Khir wants to see you, you go. After the meeting, one of the Javanese's bag carriers will slap an envelope in your palm. Going rate: 5K per pack. Wassupp...

The Pemuda ground is thus fast being split into two, one side for Mukhriz and the other for Khir. But, and this is a big but... there is one important caveat. There is one man who still commands a sizable influence in Pemuda UMNO. Once the heir apparent and next-big- thing, he has seen his star wane since the election. Now, he is a leper in the party and people get credibility openly criticizing him. Brash, provocative and at times remarkably silly for an Oxford graduate, he nevertheless built a following in Pemuda UMNO as Hishammuddin's deputy. Although many have written him off as finished, the monkey-like KJ is still studying his options. Of the three, he is the youngest at 32, in fact more than a decade younger than both Botak and Botox. He has time on is side and is the most talented of the lot (which actually ain't saying much at all given the quality of leaders in UMNO). Word is, his hardcore support is in tact and ready to battle. Monkey-boy has been uncharacteristically coy even in private according to those who have met him. But he has sent strategic feelers to the ground using trusted hulu balangs like chief gorilla Azeez Mamak a/l Raheem to gauge support for his candidacy. Although popular ground sentiment is against Pak Lah and his monkey- boy SIL, Botak Mahathir and Botox Toyo are most afraid of KJ announcing his candidacy. That would split the ground three ways and most likely escalate the price of war with everybody trying to outbid one another, UMNO-style. It will also upend any secret pact between Mukhriz and Khir which would have seen the Javanese pull out at the last moment in favour of the son of the man who made him MB in the first place.

But until monkey-boy declares his candidacy, the field is wide open for Mukhriz and Khir. If KJ delays any further, he will find that many more Youth leaders would have committed their support to either of the other two making it difficult for him to secure their nomination and vote. Whatever happens, the contest for Ketua Pemuda is set to be intense, dirty and nail-bitingly close.


Fat Cat: Botak, Facelift and Monkey? Hmm... takkan takde yang lain!